So last night I wake up to the most GOD AWFUL smell just before midnight. S is crying too - presumably cuz of the STENCH in the room. The door is closed. I kid you not, I'm gagging from the reek. I momentarily wonder if perhaps someone had murdered R and I'm smelling the stink of death.

So he hears me retching and comes in to see if I'm okay. "Change the baby please, I think he pooped", I tell him as I'm gulping water in an effort to stem the flow of nausea. He tells me he doesn't know if S is poopy cuz he can't smell anything but skunk.

So that's what the horrid reek is. Suddenly it all falls into place and I look at him."Did one of the dogs get sprayed by a skunk?", I ask.

DH (and that stands for dickhead right now) tells me he thinks there's a skunk under the shed as the dogs have "excavated" quite a series of tunnels and wouldn't come away from there when he called them in.

Once again trying to stem the flow of bile from my innards, I grab S away and tell him "PUT THEM BACK OUTSIDE AND DO NOT LET THEM BACK IN!!".

So idiot-stick lets them out. Does he put them in their pen? No. So where do they go, naturally? Straight back to the shed, where I hear them barking madly.

DH comes back in. I tell him to put them in the pen because I 1) don't want to listen to them barking all night 2) the neighbors don't want to listen to them barking all night 3) they don't need to stink anymore than they already do. I also ask him to please spray some Febreze in our room as I am dying.

He tells me he's already sprayed a ton in there when he let them in. Ummm..... okay..... so you KNEW they stunk, yet you brought them in the house anyways, AND put them in the bedroom with me AND CLOSED THE DAMN DOOR???

I ask him this and ask if he closed the door because of the smell. Guilt crosses his face (I think... I don't have my glasses on, so everything fuzzed), but he says he closed the door so the light wouldn't bother me.

Right. This is night 4 of the late night, and this is the first night he's worried about the light bothering me. Likely bloody story.

So out he goes to retrieve the smelly beasts. I would assume they have been sprayed once again as I get a fresh whiff of skunk when he opens the door. To give you an idea of just how badly the bedroom smelled, the "fresh" skunk smell smelled infinitely better than our bedroom.

Butthead comes back in and says the dogs won't come. I damn near leap out of bed and kill him. I not so calmly suggest he get their collars and physically HAUL them to the pen before I slaughter them all. Presumably he gets them in the pen because the barking stops and he comes back in the house. He comes back to the bedroom and empties half a can of Febreze into the air. It doesn't help... now we just have a slightly lavendar scented stench of decay. Lovely. Simply lovely.

He goes back to the computer. I get my essential lavendar oil and put a few drops on my pillow. Aaaah.... all I can smell is lavendar. No more stinky reeky stench. Blissfully, I drift off to sleep.

And no, I didn't share my nice-smelling stuff with him....

Oh - what REALLY pissed me off?? Yesterday I shampooed the carpets, so the whole house was smelling lovely and clean. Today I have to do it again to get the skunky remnants out from where the dogs lay on the carpet. Butthead.