So I add a new child into the mix today - non-walking, special needs, not quite 3yo. Everything goes fine this am.
But today is library day, so I bundle everyone into the van (in the rain, I might add) and off we go. THAT part is fine, although S was peeved that I made him sit in the "UGLY BLUE SEAT" in the middle row when he wanted to sit in the "PINK SEAT IN THE BACK AND YOU ARE MEAN!!!!"... and A says my singing is horrible and she should call the police to have me arrested for torturing small children. Pretty typical, what can I say?
Once at the library, we're still doing fine. Get everyone out of the van. Decide it will probably be easier to carry the non-walker rather than get the stroller (which I left at home anyways cuz it is filthy and gross), so I throw on my (pink) sling, drop his skinny butt in, and turn to see five other little kids careening all over the sidewalk. Damn. They're all mine!!!!
Yell at them all to smarten up or they are going to get it. I hear some guy going "Miss... excuse me? Miss?" and I'm thinking DAMMIT, who is running away NOW, where are those rotten kids, madly counting them, making sure I have the five walkers right there and silently wondering why the hell we take out so many books anyways cuz the damn bag is HEAVY.
Scary looking younger guy asks if I know where Human Resources is. Uhhh no, but this IS the library, and you can probably find out inside?? He's trying to help me in the door with the kids, I'm totally creeped out by him (no reason either, just a vibe, kwim??), kids are running wild, G is pulling my hair over my face, S is attached to my leg, H goes to open the door, S pitches a fit cuz he's three and HE WANTS TO DO IT NO FAIR, C takes off running the minute the door opens....
Damn, we're not even inside yet!!!
Inside, there's a line at the desk. I stop to drop our books in the return drawer. B & S are singing a song about being at the library. C is pretending he is a cat and winding through people's legs. H and A are trying to help but I think they are making it worse. G is "helping" still by running his hands in my hair and putting it over my eyes, all well smiling at everyone and anyone, which means he is turning and throwing me off balance.
It's all good.
H finally gets C corralled, A gets a hand on B & S, S immediately shrieks "DON'T TOUCH ME, LET ME GO, I WANT MOMMY!!". Other moms are snickering, thinking "Thank goodness it's not me!!!". WE go back to the Children's section and pick books out in literally eight seconds flat. I felt like I was on an 8-second bull ride anyways!!! I manage to pile 50lbs worth of books into the bag, somewhat offsetting the 30lbs of kid on my other side, and we head to the checkout.
I bark "SIT! STAY!" and point to the floor. Three bottoms drop (the boys). G finds this hilarious and wants down, so he starts twisting and pointing. A is threateningly patiently standing over the three sitters, shoving gently patting their heads back down when they move. H helps by taking the books as I check them out, putting them in the bag, then handing me the bag.
Manage to corral them all and we head out.
Except creepy guy starts out right after us.
I'm sure he was perfectly nice and fine, and it was just me, but he gave me the "pricklies", kwim?? I don't really want to start strapping kids into the van while he's hanging around, so just outside the door we stop and I ask who needs to get a drink of water before we go, giving him a chance to go past us. H took the drinkers and the pee-ers back in while I stayed just outside the door with the others and kept an eye on Creepy Guy.
Kids come back out, I strap everyone in all while watching CG, who has crossed the street and is doubling back. I'm mentally wondering how fast I can send H in for help while dialling 911 on my cell phone when he abruptly turns and walks off in the other direction. Thank goodness!!
So from there, we go to McDonald's. DRIVE THRU, people, and thank GOD for Drive Thru!! The idea of taking the kids out again scares the living snot right out of me!!
We're all fine and dandy til we get home (aside from I'm sure we must have looked like a clown car as she kept passing me Happy Meals). once home, I release everyone from their seats and tell them to go in and sit at the table. I put G on the floor inside the door and tell him to go find H, she'll put him in his seat.
Turkeyboy (G) has other ideas and sits in the doorway watching me til he sees I have my hands full.. then smiles like a demon and makes a break for it.
Down the driveway.
In the pouring rain.
Laughing the whole way as I go running after him with seven Happy Meals hanging from my fingers.
Days like today make my day.
But today is library day, so I bundle everyone into the van (in the rain, I might add) and off we go. THAT part is fine, although S was peeved that I made him sit in the "UGLY BLUE SEAT" in the middle row when he wanted to sit in the "PINK SEAT IN THE BACK AND YOU ARE MEAN!!!!"... and A says my singing is horrible and she should call the police to have me arrested for torturing small children. Pretty typical, what can I say?
Once at the library, we're still doing fine. Get everyone out of the van. Decide it will probably be easier to carry the non-walker rather than get the stroller (which I left at home anyways cuz it is filthy and gross), so I throw on my (pink) sling, drop his skinny butt in, and turn to see five other little kids careening all over the sidewalk. Damn. They're all mine!!!!
Yell at them all to smarten up or they are going to get it. I hear some guy going "Miss... excuse me? Miss?" and I'm thinking DAMMIT, who is running away NOW, where are those rotten kids, madly counting them, making sure I have the five walkers right there and silently wondering why the hell we take out so many books anyways cuz the damn bag is HEAVY.
Scary looking younger guy asks if I know where Human Resources is. Uhhh no, but this IS the library, and you can probably find out inside?? He's trying to help me in the door with the kids, I'm totally creeped out by him (no reason either, just a vibe, kwim??), kids are running wild, G is pulling my hair over my face, S is attached to my leg, H goes to open the door, S pitches a fit cuz he's three and HE WANTS TO DO IT NO FAIR, C takes off running the minute the door opens....
Damn, we're not even inside yet!!!
Inside, there's a line at the desk. I stop to drop our books in the return drawer. B & S are singing a song about being at the library. C is pretending he is a cat and winding through people's legs. H and A are trying to help but I think they are making it worse. G is "helping" still by running his hands in my hair and putting it over my eyes, all well smiling at everyone and anyone, which means he is turning and throwing me off balance.
It's all good.
H finally gets C corralled, A gets a hand on B & S, S immediately shrieks "DON'T TOUCH ME, LET ME GO, I WANT MOMMY!!". Other moms are snickering, thinking "Thank goodness it's not me!!!". WE go back to the Children's section and pick books out in literally eight seconds flat. I felt like I was on an 8-second bull ride anyways!!! I manage to pile 50lbs worth of books into the bag, somewhat offsetting the 30lbs of kid on my other side, and we head to the checkout.
I bark "SIT! STAY!" and point to the floor. Three bottoms drop (the boys). G finds this hilarious and wants down, so he starts twisting and pointing. A is threateningly patiently standing over the three sitters, shoving gently patting their heads back down when they move. H helps by taking the books as I check them out, putting them in the bag, then handing me the bag.
Manage to corral them all and we head out.
Except creepy guy starts out right after us.
I'm sure he was perfectly nice and fine, and it was just me, but he gave me the "pricklies", kwim?? I don't really want to start strapping kids into the van while he's hanging around, so just outside the door we stop and I ask who needs to get a drink of water before we go, giving him a chance to go past us. H took the drinkers and the pee-ers back in while I stayed just outside the door with the others and kept an eye on Creepy Guy.
Kids come back out, I strap everyone in all while watching CG, who has crossed the street and is doubling back. I'm mentally wondering how fast I can send H in for help while dialling 911 on my cell phone when he abruptly turns and walks off in the other direction. Thank goodness!!
So from there, we go to McDonald's. DRIVE THRU, people, and thank GOD for Drive Thru!! The idea of taking the kids out again scares the living snot right out of me!!
We're all fine and dandy til we get home (aside from I'm sure we must have looked like a clown car as she kept passing me Happy Meals). once home, I release everyone from their seats and tell them to go in and sit at the table. I put G on the floor inside the door and tell him to go find H, she'll put him in his seat.
Turkeyboy (G) has other ideas and sits in the doorway watching me til he sees I have my hands full.. then smiles like a demon and makes a break for it.
Down the driveway.
In the pouring rain.
Laughing the whole way as I go running after him with seven Happy Meals hanging from my fingers.
Days like today make my day.
posted by KB at 1:40 PM
1 Comments:
This probably only illustrates my ineptitude, but I read about your trip to the library with my mouth wide open. I'd have never even tried it. And if I had, I'd have had to immediately retreat home where I'd lock the kids in a padded room, take some valium, and lay down.
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