Letting Go

H started back to school on Thursday. It was bittersweet, watching her walk into the room of kindergarteners and hang up her backpack like an old pro. We did the K4 program last year, so she was secure in going and I was pretty cool with her being there. H tolerated me taking pictures, but pretty much dismissed me once she got there, so I took a few pictures and left.

I felt pretty smug - after all, I saw other moms who were hanging around, not wanting to leave their babies. I saw children who were less than thrilled about there, and I remembered how I felt last year when H cried as I left. I came home and told R I could tell who was at school for the first time and who wasn't, just by how their parents behaved.

I picked her up Thursday as well, not wanting her to have to wait an hour on the bus to tell me about her first day. First thing she told me upon getting in the car? "C got in trouble for CRYING and had to go to the OFFICE!!!".

Wow. I bet HIS mom is proud... not. :) I never did quite figure out what happened, other than he apparently shoved someone in line... or something like that.

Typical of schoolchildren worldwide, when I asked what she did, she gave me the standard "Nothing"... followed by "I don't know" when asked about some of the kids in her class. I suddenly understood the frustration of my mother.... but I also remember giving her the same answers and honestly wondering what I was SUPPOSED to tell her! :)

So yesterday I drove her to school (half-day kindy, she's in the afternoon) and just dropped her off. She was okay with that. I wasn't. As I watched her walk up to the big red doors, wearing her red striped Tommy Hilfiger dress and Barbie backpack, I wanted to cry. I wanted to run over and hold her hand the whole way to her classroom. I wanted to be the moms I'd felt so smug about the day before, as I saw them walking their kindergarteners into the school for the second day.

But she turned and flipped me a wave as she walked in, and then she was gone, and I did the only thing I could do.... swallowed a sob and drove everyone else home for naps.

And then I watched the clock until the bus arrived.

And I was the embarrassing mom... the one who sat in the front yard for almost 30 minutes so I could see the bus coming. The one who wanted to skip down the driveway when I saw the yellow bus turn the corner to our street. The one who madly clicked the camera when the door opened and my kindergartener started down the steps.

The bus driver smiled.

I got the feeling I wasn't the only mom who did that. I may have been the only mom of a kindergartener who did it that day, but the driver smiled like it was old hat for her.

I did get a few more details out of her yesterday. When asked how the busride was, she said "FUN! But they were loud!". Of course, when I asked what she did at kindergarten, you know what she said....

"NOTHING!"

No, of course not.