Another child, another doctor visit

I had to take S to the doctor today. Turns out he has a blocked gland in a not-so fun place. But he's fine, it's fine, and with any luck, it will remain that way and not get infected.

ANYWAYS....

The kid is crazy. Completely and utterly crazy.

I know he's my son and I am biased towards him, but still, I don't think I've ever met another 2yo who is as whackadoodle funny as he is. His "half-birthday" is today, making him officially 2 and a half. HIs vocabulary BLOWS ME AWAY. For example - this morning, I asked him if he was a big boy. He told me "No, Momma.... I'm still growing!!"

So anyways.... back to the doctor visit.

His imagination is something else. He LOVES to pretend. Whether it's an adventure with Diego, a trip with Little Einsteins, or just an imaginary feast, he's all or nothing. There's no half way with him, and he REALLY gets into the role play.

We signed in at the doctor's office and he went off to play in the corner. Next thing I know, he comes running out, hollering "I got you an ice cream, Momma!!" as he hands me the invisible ice cream cone.

I accepted it, thanked him, and pretended to lick it.... which was apparently the right thing to do as he plunked himself down in the chair beside me and started licking HIS.

All of a sudden, he yelled, "QUICK! My ice cream is dripping! HELP ME, MOMMA! Lick it!!" while thrusting it towards me.

So I did what anyone would do - licked the pretend ice cream.

He found this uproariously funny and started laughing. The other child there - a four year old girl - looked at her mother like we were all crazy and asked "What ARE they doing?". Poor child.

Next thing I know, he's holding himself. I ask if he needs to pee. First he tells me no, then quickly changes his mind and yells "YES! I need to pee!" and starts to yank down his pants.

Fortunately for me, he is not his sister and kept his pants up when I gasped, "DUDE! Not here!!", hauling him off to the bathroom.

From there, we had rocketship adventures with him sitting in each child-sized chair, loudly exclaiming "I'm in the BLUE chair, Momma! I'm flying the BLUE rocket!". We shared birthday cake (which, I might add, came complete with the dramatics of him "baking" the cake, putting candles in, lighting them, and then singing). We crossed the desert, ran away from the sandstorm, and got caught in a snowstorm. The snowstorm did involve putting coats back on (I convinced him I didn't need mine), but in the end, he ran across the room, threw himself into my lap, and yelled "I SAVED YOU, MOMMA!!"

Yeah kid, you sure did.

The things we do as moms.

On Monday, I took S's diapers away.

I fully expected this to be a spectacular failure, but he has surprised me. Completely and entirely surprised me. He is not only telling me that he needs to go, but has had only a couple of teeny little accidents. And when I say teeny, I mean quarter-sized damp spot in his undies.

He thinks he's hot shit. Runs around yelling "I'm WEARING UNDERWEARS!!!". Tells everyone who will listen that he pees in the toilet and not in his underwears.

Last night, R & the kids met me for dinner. Despite his third successful day, I suggested to R that he put him in a pull-up prior to coming out for dinner. I'm not stupid. I know being at home is one thing and being out is completely different.

So off we go. And once in the restaurant, he gets *that* look, stands up on his chair, and grabs his crotch, loudly exclaiming "I NEED GO PEE!".

Four times we take him to the bathroom. Four times we come back, unsuccessful. The diaper is still dry. It's OBVIOUS he needs to go and that he is not going to go in his diaper.

Finally, he gives up and goes.

Now the thing about S is he has a "prepubescent fat pad", and his "manhood" likes to hide in there... thus making it tricky to stand up and aim. (you KNOW he's going to kill me for this some day, right??) So he's been sitting. And it's fine - AT HOME - because he uses a potty seat on the regular toilet, and that seat has a splash guard.

Of course, Mom is thinking and I figure I'll just stick a finger and aim it in the toilet when he starts to go.

Good theory, except he's not thrilled about it. And when I try and point it down, something goes horribly wrong and it's spraying UP AND OUT, and all over the wall.

So I did what any mom would do.... I improvised and made a splash shield. With my hand. And we both found this remarkably funny.

I think I'll find a piece of plastic I can keep in a ziplock for future bathroom outiong experiences.

Last night, I was just thankful for hot water and lots of soap.