McStupid

Yesterday was Thursday. $1.29 Hamburger Happy Meal day.

Due to a rather long story I'm not telling right now, I had to pick C up from school early. By the time we left the school, it was 10:20am. Early for lunch, yes, but I wasn't driving back again later.

So I go to McDonald's. It's 10:25am when I get to the drivethru order board and place my order.

"I need 6 hamburger happy meals, all with apple juice, 4 for boys and 2 for girls. I also need a #7 meal with a grilled chicken, and a side salad instead of the fries, with lite vinaigrette dressing, and a large diet coke please"

And I say this nice and slowly and clearly, cuz I know how drive thru is.

She repeats it back and asks what drinks I want. We finally get it straightened out and she gives me the total.

$20.33

I ask, "Ummm.... aren't the Happy Meals $1.29 on Thursdays anymore?"

She tells me "Not until 10:30am".

I look at the clock. 10:27am. She's got to be f-ing KIDDING me, right? They want to charge me TWICE as much because of THREE MINUTES?

Now, because I had small children in the car who do not need to hear what I really wanted to say, I simply said, "Ohhhhkay. I guess I'll come back in THREE MINUTES then, and do this all again."

And I drove off.

And around the building.

And got back into line.

And waited at the order board until 10:30am, when I said, "Are the Happy Meals $1.29 NOW?"

And she said, "Yes ma'am, they are."

So I started over.

"I'd like six hamburger Happy Meals, all with apple juice, four for boys and two for girls. I'd also like a #7 combo with a grilled chicken, a side salad instead of the fries, with lite vinaigrette dressing, and a large diet Coke."

She said, "Was that a large diet Coke?"

I said, "YES DAMMIT, DIDN'T WE JUST DO THIS THREE MINUTES AGO???".

OK, not really. Truth is, I said "Yes, a large diet Coke, please!"

She totalled my order. "That's $12.18 at the first window please!"

I got to the first window and paid.

I got to the second window and GLARED at the swing manager who was taking drive thru orders. The one who made me wait three minutes and then go through the whole rigamarole again.

So they PARKED ME and made me wait another five minutes for my food. I wanted to ask if they didn't know I was coming or what. But I didn't. And only because I didn't think I could do it without teaching six small kids a whole host of new naughty words they are better off not ever hearing.

The sad part?

We'll go back, next Thursday.

Not until after 10:30am though, of course.

Conversations with two year olds

L: Got a boo boo here!
Me: Oh yeah? Lemme see.
L: And here.... and here.... and HERE!
Me: Did you fall down?
L: Mommy did it! You see her boo boo?
Me: Nooooo....
L: Farley did it. Champ did it. Kota did it. (her dogs) **giggles**
Me: Did you fall down?
L: Yeah, I fall down. See my boo boo?

It's like being stuck in drive in a traffic circle, I tell ya!


R: Daddy sleep.
Me: Daddy sleeps? Does Daddy sleep in his bed?
R: No, Daddy sleep garage!
Me: Daddy sleeps in the garage?
R: Yeah! And Mommy!
Me: Mommy AND Daddy sleep in the garage?
R: Yeah! **claps wildly**
Me: And where does R sleep? Do you sleep in the garage too?
R: NO! You silly. R sleep in R room!

Now when I recanted this conversation to his mom, she laughed and asked him to tell me where he REALLY sleeps... cuz she says more often than not, he wants to get into bed with them... which is most certainly NOT in the garage!


Moving right along to 5yo H, from yesterday on the way to school:
H: Mom, if there's 22 songs, and it's on song 5, then there are 17 songs left.
Me: Right, H, how do you know these things?
H: It's just in my head and tells me the answer.
Me: All righty then.
H: It's cuz I'm naturally smart.
Me: (muttering) yeah, naturally smart mouthed, that's for sure...
H: I must take after you, huh mom?
Me: Something like that.
H: Except I'm smarter than you, ya know.
Me: I'm figuring that out.

And come to think of it, she's probably right. But this is a good thing... isn't it? :)

Taking his life in his hands

Mondays is Weight Watchers day. Which means I eat as little as possible during the day until I go to weigh in at the meeting. After all, if I put it in my mouth, they'll just weigh it later on, right?

I usually get through the day by bribing myself with a treat of some sort. Today's reward? One half of the chocolate iced vanilla skeleton cupcake that I made yesterday. I wanted to try a new recipe, so I baked a dozen. They were good. Really good. And they taunted me ALL DAY. So when the kids asked if they could have cupcakes for snack this afternoon, I readily agreed.

Everyone had one except S, who only got one half of one. And the other half sat there taunting me. I couldn't wait for the meeting so I could come home and eat it.

Enter R. Who spied my half cupcake sitting there and began to cram it in his mouth.

Unfortunately for him, I walked in just then and caught him.

"You better not be eating my half a cupcake!" I told him.

He looked at me guiltily (is that even a word?), uttering some nonsense about not seeing my name on it.

My name? MY NAME? It's freaking WEIGHT WATCHERS DAY, and he wants to argue about my NAME on a cupcake? Seriously folks, that's like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. Cuz I'm HUNGRY, dammit, and you're eating my cupcake.

So I ended up with exactly one half bite of cupcake, but do you think I'm going to share the "Weight Watchers GIANT Cookie Ice Cream Bars" with him? NO way!!

Bragging Momma Ahead

See this face? It will soon be gracing the walls of 81 WalMart Portrait Studios across the US and Canada.


The lady who does our photos (and has done them since H was a baby) asked if she could enter this in their marketing contest. She's used photos of the kids before, so I said sure.... and she called yesterday absolutely beside herself to tell me her photo won!!

I am thrilled to death - mostly for her, she's always done such a great job for us - but also because I think it will be kinda fun to see him up there in 16x20. Hopefully the WalMart close to us will be one of the ones who uses his photo, but time will tell, I'm sure!

S, however, seems rather unenthused by the whole thing.... go figure!

In other news, I have plenty of funny stuff to share but no time to sit down and do it. And this week's not looking too promising as it's Fall Break and I have not only my new high-maintenance daycare kid but also a former daycare kid I like to refer to as Demonspawn. So perhaps in the near future I will have a moment to get back to life as a blogger, and share some of the finer moments in my life with you all... such as the never-ending stream of knock knock jokes I hear these days... **sigh**

Mom has boobs and Dad doesn't need hair

Overheard in the kitchen the other day:

"Mom has boobs. And you don't need to draw hair on Daddy".

I wondered (briefly) if I should be concerned. I mean, sure, I have boobs, but Daddy most certainly had hair. Grandpa is the one who grew taller than his hairline, not Daddy!!

But I sure did enjoy the family pictures the girls drew. After all, I appear to be about 7 feet tall and weigh nothing. I have no hips... I'm just a stick figure... with enormous boobs.

Looking at it in hindsight though, I guess it's better than when H drew the pic of S crying because he was hungry and I had no boobs!