The Power of the Telephone

I think every mother knows it. The telephone has the strange power to cause a child to cry, ask a question, or have an impending emergency.

Every single time I pick up the phone, whether to answer or to make a call, it happens. Without fail. The only way I can avoid it is to wait until they are all asleep. Even then, it's like spinning a roulette wheel. Sometimes your number comes up.

Yesterday, for example. I waited until the kids were all outside playing to call the lawn people. I gave the S-man some Cheerios and juice in his high chair to keep him quiet and contained. He was happy. The others were quiet. So I dialled.

Within the first minute of it being answered, one fell down outside and needed a bandaid. Then another needed a drink. And the baby decided the juice and Cheerios weren't going to cut it and started shrieking.

I apologized profusely to the lady I was speaking to. She laughed and said she understood..... and put me on hold.

So I took the hold time as an opportunity to scoop up S, slap a bandaid on a miniscule scrape, and give everyone a cup of water. Somehow, they KNEW I was on hold as everything became peaceful again.

Within seconds of being spoken to, all hell broke loose for a second time.

I had put S on the floor with a couple of blocks. Normally, this keeps him quiet and happy for at least a little bit. But oh no, because I was on the phone, he decides to lie down. And roll around. And crash his head into the corner of the TV cabinet.

He is seriously the only child I've ever known who can roll with enough force to give himself a bruise and a goose egg. I've had people ask if he's starting to walk upon seeing the greenish lump on his head. Nope, he's just a forceful roller. :)

And, of course, the others are now asking for the sprinkler. Or a freezee. Or a ball. Or chalk. Or anything else they can possibly think of. I'm flapping my hands at them, making promises that I will get it as soon as I get off the phone, just please give me 3 minutes to handle this!!

A minute later, I'm off. And everything is forgotten as all the kids go off and play amongst themselves. Except S. Who is now occupied with his blocks.

Ummm.... thanks, honey.... I think

I sent the kids out to play this morning while it was still cool (only 80F... hahaha) and took the opportunity to start in on some of the housework.

As I was folding laundry, H came flying in and held out a flower (clover head) to me. She proudly exclaimed, "Look Mom, I brought you a flower!".

I smiled and thanked her for my beautiful flower and asked her if she could put it in some water for me.

"Sure," she told me. "It's for your funeral. Cuz you're dead".

Nice kid.

My eyes!! My EYES!!

I started running again this morning, or perhaps I should say attempting to run. I really didn't run very far - a whole 6 minutes, or just over half a mile - before I wanted to lie down and die, but I did make myself walk at a good clip.

When I started, I remembered how much I enjoy getting up and having some ME time in the morning. It was reasonably cool at 70F, smelled good, and the sun was just coming up. The neighborhood was quiet. Molly and I jogged and walked and really enjoyed the time.

Then it happened.

As I headed towards the last hill down towards our street, I heard a door open. I glanced towards the sound and saw a guy walk out the front door of his house dressed only in swim trunks, or what appeared to be swim trunks. Keep in mind this is 6am. In his hand was a beer bottle, which he took a drink from. He then proceeded to get a full garbage bag from the garage and take it around the side of the house to the trashcan, finishing off the beer as he went.

As he tossed it in the trash (bag and now-empty bottle), he turned and saw me walking past. I smiled and said good morning. He looked like he wanted to go hide.

But it gets better.

Across the street from him, another door opened, and out came a rather rotund old guy. Wearing nothing but boxers. It was not pretty.

Alas, if nothing else, they made me want to run (home) again.

Ever seen a turtle run??

We live across the street from a pond. And there are two more ponds on the other side of one neighbor. So needless to say, we have plenty of turtles around. And toads. The big ground ones that live in holes and leave little mud piles all over the yard that make for great story possibilities.

Anyways, being an animal lover, I hate seeing animals killed by cars. So when I see a turtle in the road, I will stop and move the turtle. This generally happens at least once a day in front of our house.

Today was no exception. Normally the turtles pull everything inside and I just pick them up and move them to whatever ditch they were headed for. Not this morning.

I parked the van, hit my flashers, and got out. Speedy took one look at me coming for him and took off RUNNING. I started to laugh and went to grab him, but the damn thing DARTED out of my reach.

By this point, I'm cracking up, and I figure it's okay if he just wants to run - I'll just "chase" him across the street and into the ditch. But oh no, Speedy has other ideas and makes a 90 degree turn to the left so he is now running straight up the street.

I'm laughing so hard at this turtle running I can hardly see straight. I finally manage to snag him and pick him up, and damned if he doesn't keep trying to run away from me!! He managed to "kick" me with one of his hind feet. When I finally set him down (some 8 seconds later), instead of pulling a normal "hide my head" turtle move, he stuck his head way out and craned his neck around to LOOK at me.

Oddest turtle I've encountered to date.

The MOM Magnet

I have come to the conclusion that the MOM magnet does indeed exist and is not just a theory. And the MOM magnet is an extremely powerful force that is incredibly tough to break bonds with.

Take this morning, for example. Our house is 3200 square feet. In that 3200 square feet, there are three televisions and three bedrooms PLUS a game room that have children's toys in them. Despite all the space to spread out in, every person in the house was drawn to a central location - namely, Mom.

There I sat, in the living room, turning the television up louder and louder in an attempt to actually HEAR the Numbers episode I had recorded. Finally I gave up, turned the TV to Noggin, and stood up, asking why everyone needed to be within 4 feet of me at all time, and went to the bedroom to watch the last 10 minutes.

Immediately the MOM magnet exudes its powerful force, for I hear A exclaiming "But I just wanna talk to Mommy!" as R tries to explain to her that she can give Mommy 10 minutes to watch the end of her show. He was successful.

But that's not where it ends. I also have this powerful force over the animals in our house. Even now as I type, I am being WATCHED my our orange tabby, overseeing every keystroke, making sure I get it right. :) And... because the MOM magnet is so incredibly powerful, H is flopped on the futon behind me, asking "Why do we need to wear socks, Mom?".

Well gee, honey, I don't know. My initial thought is perhaps they'll help to ground my magnetic force, but in truth, I think it's just so your feet don't get cold.

Another prime example of the MOM magnet at work - the bathroom. Actually, when I think about it, I think there may be other forces at work in the bathroom as it seems to have a greater effect on everyone. I can go into the bathroom ALONE, and within seconds, be surrounded by the entire family, including all the animals. And naturally, they all have a very good reason to be there... such as....

"Mom! Are you pooping or peeing??" (does it matter? Cuz either way, it's a family affair)

"Mom! Can I watch?" (I'd say no, but I know it won't make a difference)

"Honey, what do you want me to dress the baby in?" (I dunno... clothes, maybe?)

"MOM!!! She's LOOKING at me funny!!" (OK, and???)

"Mom, A STINKS!" (so what else is new??)

"Hey, it's MY turn on the potty! Mom! Hurry UP, I've GOT to GO!" (OK, so maybe go use one of the other TWO bathrooms???)

And let's not forget our dear Shitkitty who is CONVINCED he MUST have his head in the toilet bowl whenever I sit on the toilet. He's not called Shitkitty for nothing. :) (OK, truth is, *II am the only one who calls him shitkitty, and it's just cuz he's a turd... not cuz he's ended up with anything on his head). He LOVES my bathroom as there is a half-wall separating the toilet from the rest of the room. I swear he thinks it was designed just for him. After all, he can fly into the bathroom at Mach4, vault off the bathtub, and skid to a stop on the wall, where he sits all innocently and pretends he's been sitting there all along.

Bathtime is even more fun. But that's a tale for another day.

I think I'm going to write a book....

Called "101 Reasons I Cannot Eat My Lunch".

One of my daycare charges is a very picky eater. He won't eat vegetables. He won't eat fruit. Hell, he won't even eat peanut butter sandwiches unless they are made on white bread with Welch's grape jelly, and I suspect even then he'd have a reason NOT to eat it.

On Friday, I made mac & cheese for lunch. Because Pickyboy won't even eat that, I gave him exactly one tablespoon (along with a fruit, veggie, and wiener) and waved my magic wand... "I have cupcakes for dessert for everyone who cleans their plates".

Three plates were literally licked clean. On the fourth, everything remained.

"I can't eat it!! There's a SPIDER in it!!"

Well, my initial reaction was "Shut up and eat it, it's just extra protein". But alas, I'm sure licensing would be here in a heartbeat if I actually said that to him, so I took his plate.

So I looked and looked, and finally got out the microscope to examine the spider. I have no idea WHAT it was, but there was the tiniest piece of black something. It could have been a piece of ANYTHING, although my personal suspicion is that Mr. Manipulative probably picked up a piece of dirt and stuck it on there. Because naturally I am stupid and I might think that a piece of dirt looks exactly like a spider. And if I am that stupid, I might also forget that he didn't eat ANYTHING on his plate, and I might just give him a cupcake.

But what poor old Pickyboy doesn't know is that I am not as stupid as I appear to be. So when I gave him the choice of my removing his "spider" and giving him NEW mac & cheese, or just throwing everything out and being done with it, he chose to throw everything out. Fine by me. And Emma (our yellow Lab) was QUITE delighted by his choice.

And when he asked for HIS cupcake, because he couldn't possibly eat his lunch with a spider in it, after all, I told him the SPIDER got his cupcake. Because, after all, the spider is the only one who ate the lunch. Unless you count Emma. And she's watching her girlish figure.

Well I certainly suck.

DH asks me today if I have a blog. Oh sure, I tell him, I have about six. (OK, not really, but I keep one on TLOL just for S, and I kept 2 others for the girls there as well). So he asks if I will share them with him, so long as I don't mind him reading.

Naturally I don't mind - after all, my "bitch about my stupid-ass husband" one is safely hidden away behing 50 locks and passwords and restricted viewer lists (HAHA, honey, go try and find it now!!!). And I tell him I'll email him the link to this one, cuz nobody ever reads it anyways.

So off I go to the main page.... and I suddenly notice "Oh hey, it says I have comments. WTF? It's supposed to email me when I have comments. WTH is going on??"

So I go back a few entries and realize there are comments on almost every entry! And some of those comments are QUESTIONS.

So here's a big ole apology to anyone who I've inadvertently ignored. Like I said, I suck!! And I'm going to go figure out why I'm not getting emails anymore just as soon as I post this. Probably because I never changed my email address after I moved. You'd think with all the chaos of moving that would have been top of my list, right??

In short:
AMH - I have a Nojo padded sling I got at BRU and I also have an unpadded Maya-wrap type that I made. I used the unpadded one with A, but she was so much smaller and her weight never caused it to feel heavy. I tend to use my padded Nojo with S... but then, he's a solid 23lbs at 8mos and the padding helps ease some of his weight.

Kristina - OK, OK, she's friendly, but she also listens well. Like when I tell her to lie down, she actually does. Unlike her partners in crime who are shamelessly terribly behaved, although they mean well, Molly is a very GOOD dog. Besides fence jumping (she prefers to use the front door to come back in the house), her only major vice is she has stinky breath. Oh, and she HATES plastic Dora dolls. Or maybe she loves them, I'm not sure. I just know we have had a few casualties - headless dollies - and she is the culprit.